BinkysDream

When Science Destroys Fashion

Binky: what do you think of this?: http://metropolis.co.jp/tokyo/508/fashion.asp
Wookie: OH DEAR GOD.
Wookie: is that what would happen if you and Alyssa did end up forming an unholy union?
Wookie: the marriage of fashion and science
Binky: I will only marry her in a fembot-themed ceremony
Wookie: well, I think it’s only right that science move into fashion. Now that cancer has been cured and all…
Wookie: oh wait?
Wookie: what’s that?
Wookie: there is no cure?
Wookie: and myriad other deadly illnesses are spreading amongst the human race at an alarming speed?
Wookie: oh. Well in THAT case, maybe scientists should focus less on prom dresses and more on, ohidon’tknow….FUCKING TREATMENT, ASSHOLES?
Binky: So one minor complaint: Matsui’s the one that wants to incorporate the science part. 
Binky: you don’t actually see any fat dude with pocket protectors in those pictures, do you?
Binky: I don’t think they know what a dress looks like anyway

Wookie: you know she has consultants!
Binky: yeah, a neurologist.  Which apparently resulted in a lot of cables
Wookie: and they might know what a dress looks like…that’s all contingent upon whether Second Life characters wear frocks, but still
Wookie: uses who as what?
Binky: So: if a physics dude had designed it?
Binky: There would be much more room for larger breasts
Binky: Because Lara Croft is the ideal physics geek woman
Wookie: really? wow.
Wookie: i am surprised that i’m not more surprised
Wookie: so is ComicCon like sex tourism for scientists?
Binky: She defies gravity in many ways
Binky: Yes!  And there should be more tight rubber outfits
Binky: But maybe I’m revealing too much of myself here
Binky: Let’s talk about the actual clothes
Binky: I think the cords just look like your ipod headphones have gotten out of control

Wookie: what in the bleeding fuck is a topologist?
Wookie: GHEY SECKS JOKE
Binky: Well, okay, another pet peeve
Binky: She likes physics. That’s great
Binky: but the neurologist: that’s medicine
Binky: And the topologist: that’s math
Wookie: ew
Wookie: I don’t like where this is going
Binky: Topology is all about curves!
Wookie: if there’s an economist involved, i’m leaving
Binky: Hence the science of the ideal bustier
Binky: Well, the clothes are oppressive, and as a Marxist I’d argue for throwing them off

Binky: But what’s with the plastic skirt thing?
Wookie: for the people.
Wookie: I’m fairly certain that’s a rain slicker
Binky: Is the future of rain gear something from my 70’s disco days?
Wookie: for when you don’t want your spray-paint splattered hot pants to get wet
Wookie: I like how the marriage of science and fashion essentially produces Mad Max
Binky: yes!  It’s like I’m reliving the 80’s all over again

Wookie: okay, sixth from the top?
Wookie: that was clearly the scientist’s doing, because it is uncomfortably close to this:
Binky: the two colors?
Binky: Right out of Star Trek

Wookie:
Wookie: ha!
Binky: yes!
Wookie: DON’T STEAL MY JOKE THUNDER
Wookie: and 7th and 8th were clearly done by the physicist, because it’s all about tits
Binky: You then have to fight the model with the parity-switched outfit to death

Binky: Number 7 I don’t understand at all
Binky: Is that supposed to be a big collapsible hose that she’s in?
Binky: And yes, the no-bra thing is a big winner.   Physicists like to see natural laws in action
Wookie: it’s very early-aughts Givenchy haute couture
Wookie: YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO
Wookie: oh! my favourite line?
Wookie: “In between shows, Matsui likes to hang out with members of the ISAC no Kai, a group she formed in 1999 consisting of physicists, topologists, mathematicians, engineers and artists” I WOULD HONESTLY RATHER SLIT MY NECK EAR TO EAR
Wookie: I would rather move into a boarding house, Bosom Buddies-style with Rachel Ray
Binky: Dude, if it’s all about designing the perfect shelf bra?  I’m in
Wookie: i would rather enter a common law relationship with Larry the Cable Guy
Binky: Or magnetic levitation, to lift and separate? that’s a worthy endeavor
Binky: I think you’re not giving these dedicated scientist the proper respect
Wookie: the titmen?
Wookie: “I have a PhD, blah blah blah”
Binky: The titmen, who are concerned with plugging in your Ipod
Wookie: “gravity is real, blah blah blah”
Wookie: “neutrons and protons and electrons, oh my!”
Binky: I’m not so sure she’s concerned with physical laws
Wookie: oh pish posh
Wookie: get back to the cancer thing
Wookie: the last person I trust with clothing? is a scientist
Wookie: that’s really letting the inmate run the asylum
Wookie: or rather, letting the inmate dictate front-pleat Dockers with a blue short-sleeved top and a clip-on tie as the height of chic
Binky: But they’re clearly working on trying to turn you invisible
Binky: And at least the clothes are doing that
Wookie: yes, because that’s what women pay the big bucks for
Binky: While the Dockers serve a purpose: that’s to show that you’re married, and hence unavailable
Wookie: “um, do you have anything that will make me completely non-descript? Maybe something in the back?”

I've got things under control, really

I’ve been asked (or I guess, “subpoenaed” would be a better term) whether not my interest in Alyssa Miller (see below) might qualify as an activity addiction.  I think if we look at this article, it is clear that when I spend time googling for pictures of her I’m doing this to take loving care of myself, and not because I’m trying to avoid the pain of loneliness or trying to avoid other activities, such as work.  Therefore, because the INTENT of this activity is noble, it in no way qualifies as an addiction. So please, any further warrants/interventions are unnecessary.

Call me, Alyssa, please!

Wookie: so, let’s discuss the lady love of your life
Wookie: the one who’s going to result in your incarceration
Binky: Okay, first of all, she is legal, right?
Binky: I mean, not that it’s particularly important
Wookie: hmmm
Wookie: just barely
Binky: In most states?
Wookie: i mean, in most states, you won’t have to deal with a trooper knocking on your motel room door
Binky: What about Canada?  You guys marry young up there, don’t you?
Wookie: 11
Wookie: our license plates read, “if she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed”
Binky: I’m in then.
Binky: Get to her before the hair does

Wookie: i like the photo with the towel: http://supermodels.nl/alyssamiller/pictures/1
Binky: So, it’s not creepy that I’m more than twice her age?
Wookie: oh, it’s creepy
Wookie: no one’s saying it isn’t creepy
Binky: But look at Anna Nicole Smith
Binky: That worked out well for them
Wookie: it’s downright Polanskian
Binky: I mean, aside from the fact that they’re both dead
Binky: That was true love, right?
Wookie: like death would stop you
Wookie: “she was still warm, officer!”
Wookie: but you can’t help it
Wookie: you love quasi-women who wear a full face of makeup in the shower
Wookie: and sport jewels that Elizabeth Taylor would find gaudy
Binky: I’m concerned about her eyebrows though
Binky: They’re better than mine
Binky: I don’t know if I can compete with that
Wookie: they’re really something!
Wookie: peter gallagher haz a jellus
Binky: Sadly, I bet she has a small dog that she carries around in a bag
Wookie: brooke shields circa 1983 is suing for copyright infringement
Binky: Yeah, and Brooke didn’t turn out so well
Wookie: I’d wouldn’t worry about the dog
Binky: So that’s scary
Wookie: i’d be more put off BY THE BARBIES SINCE SHE’S 9

Wookie: http://supermodels.nl/alyssamiller/pictures/3
Wookie: Check out the one with the cigarette
Binky: I’ll give her all the Ken action she needs
Wookie: she has to hurry up and smoke it since she’s late for homeroom
Wookie: BECAUSE SHE’S A CHILD
Wookie: wait wait
Wookie: ken?
Wookie: is that really the male archetype against whom you wish to be compared?
Wookie: he of the plasticy smooth netherregions
Wookie: ?
Wookie: really?
Wookie: that guy?
Binky: Just because he doesn’t have a set
Binky: He still looks good after all these years
Binky: And he’s still getting action
Binky: What’s up with this picture not loading?
Wookie: you just know barbie’s frigid
Binky: Have they blocked my IP already?
Wookie: i mean, you don’t keep your waist at 15 inches without purging
Binky: Oh, but she’d be a cheap date then
Binky: I like that
Binky: But I’d get killed on having to buy the coke
Wookie: i meant barbie
Wookie: although, yes, applies to alyssa too
Wookie: although i doubt she has to purge yet
Wookie: you don’t really gain weight UNTIL AFTER PUBERTY
Binky: Hmm, Barbie does have implants, and I’m all for that

Wookie: check out the crying photo
Wookie: http://supermodels.nl/alyssamiller/pictures/6
Wookie: she’s sad because Q103 won’t play her Beyonce request
Wookie: and that is totally her jam, you guys!
Wookie: they played it at the winter dance!
Binky: Please, you are talking about my future child bride (Alyssa, call me please)
Binky: And I think she’s unhappy because the ring is too small
Wookie: Alyssa, please call a trusted adult first
Binky: She deserves better
Wookie: and tell him that the scary science man is bothering you
Binky: (Alyssa, don’t listen, she’s an emasculating shrew.  I need out and you can help me)
Wookie: haha
Wookie: need out?
Wookie: need out?
Wookie: we’re barely friends
Wookie: you know i put up with you for the free magnets
Binky: And the sodas
Binky: See, Alyssa would understand my needs.
Wookie: check out the last one on this page
Binky: That picture shows that she’s sensitive

Wookie: http://supermodels.nl/alyssamiller/pictures/8
Binky: Unlike you
Wookie: sweatshop alyssa
Wookie: oh man the fuck up, boy
Wookie: stop being such a pussy
Wookie: jailbait don’t go for that

Wookie: check out the first one on the right
Wookie: “pushups. ur doin them rong”
Binky: I’m still waiting for pictures
Binky: MY IP IS BLOCKED
Binky: I ONLY SENT YOU A COUPLE (THOUSAND) EMAILS ALYSSA
Binky: I”M REALLY A NICE PERSON
Wookie: yeah
Wookie: yeah, alyssa
Wookie: he’s really nice
Wookie: and not totally sleeping outside your agent’s building right now
Wookie: and not hanging outside the tents at the Paris couture shows, dressed up in a striped shirt, with a baguette tucked under his arm
Wookie: not at all
Binky: Now I got pictures
Binky: I’d answer, but I’m in love
Wookie: and he doesn’t have a napkin soaked in ether in his back pocket
Binky: We could be happy
Binky: She could stay at home all day and watch TV
Binky: And model for me at night
Wookie: alls i’m saying is when you’re out with him, Alyssa? Make sure you get your own drinks, ifyouknowwhatimsayingandithinkyoudo
Binky: I’d unlock the door occasionally
Wookie: you realize that her bedtime is 8pm, yes?
Wookie: BECAUSE SHE’S 7
Binky: So is mine
Binky: It’s perfect
Binky: We could go to dinner at 4:30, in bed by 8
Binky: What’s the issue?
Binky: As long as she can push the wheelchair
Binky: And look gorgeous, I have no problem with the age difference
Binky: I’m sure her dad would be just like a son to me
Wookie: her dad is probably one of your grad students
Wookie: ooh! you could barter for her!
Binky: Exactly, then maybe I could get a date!
Wookie: arrange some sort of “alyssa for tenure” deal
Wookie: you’re so in!

Jokes from my Dad

More in a continuing series of bad jokes, sent to me from my loving (80 y/o) father.

Every once in a while…in life…you run into a genius with a true talent!…           

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I’m married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. Taco Bell?  No thanks, I’m not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Project Run Away

Wookie: http://www.style.com/stylefile/2008/12/designers-shoulder-on-for-spring/
Wookie: apparently shoulders are in
Wookie: do men even notice shoulders?
Wookie: i mean, let's pretend you were an average man
Binky: Not since the 80's
Wookie: instead of an evil genius scientist who spends his days testing magnets 
      on labrats, or however it is that you make your beer money
Binky: yes, you figured it out
Wookie: how about the white tights?
Wookie: those doing anything for you?
Binky: Shoulders.  Not unless they are freakishly wide or narrow
Binky: The tights are okay, but really, who can pull off that kind of dress?
Binky: It makes even her look big
Wookie: i like the dreidl on her chest
Wookie: "my dress is kosher" is a fashion statement I've longed to make
Binky: Okay, so that makes it look like her nipples are too close together
Wookie: haha
Wookie: like a girl whose eyes are too close-set?
Binky: Is it some comment on breasts and a womb?
Wookie: dude 
Binky: Like some symbol of maternity that I'm missing?
Wookie: this is fashion. It's about rich Texans and Arabs, drunk on oil 
      money finding things to spend their money on
Wookie: to fill the void of a loveless marriage and aimless existence
Wookie: and also, pretty pretty bags
Wookie: no need to overthink it
Wookie: oh my god
Wookie: check out the slideshow
Binky: But I think it's saying, "impregnate me and I will carry your child"
Binky: Also, the shoes?  Those are like surfer shoes


Wookie: tell me that first dress isn't hypercolour
Wookie: and really, you think all women are saying that
Binky: That's what the voice in my head says, yes
Wookie: you think the check out girl at wholefoods is asking to carry your 
       young when she asks paper or plastic
Wookie: we've discussed this and it's a serious problem you have
Wookie: it's a few seconds away from a sex offender registry
Binky: I know she is.  
Binky: And I've only been asked to leave the store once
Binky: Okay, I like that first dress actually
Wookie: the hyperocolour?
Wookie: oh god
Binky: yeah.  I'm not big on the sleeves
Binky: Tell me why I'm wrong
Binky: Since you will anyway
Wookie: dude...if a seven-year-old drew barrymore wore it? Take a pass
Wookie: you only like it because its reminiscent of your college days
Binky: So I don't like it, is what you're saying?
Wookie: YOU DON'T LIKE IT
Binky: Tie dye never goes out of fashion
Binky: I have the pony tail to prove it
Wookie: hahaha


Wookie: go to dress four
Wookie: i may be in love
Wookie:  i believe that's called, "tumour couture"
Binky: Poofy everywhere
Wookie: "tumure" if you will
Binky: Biopsy this!
Wookie: ha
Binky: The metastatic mini
Wookie: I WAS JUST GOING TO MAKE A METASTASIZING PUN
Wookie: DAMN YOU


Wookie: i'm fairly certain dress 9 was made from scarlett ohara's curtains
Wookie: even the model looks displeased
Binky: No one is happy
Wookie: "i come from Tirana for to vare dees clotes?"
Wookie: "vas long flight.....and dey are to giving me draperies?"
Binky: Oh so 9?  How did your grandmother's house coat get used for that fabric?
Wookie: i like the crotch-level frowny face
Binky: ha: my womb, it is barren
Binky: Abandon hope, all who enter here
Wookie: oh my god


Wookie: dress 15
Wookie: SPIROGRAPH
Wookie: do you remember that shit?
Wookie: well, of course you do
Wookie: you would have been 30 when it came out
Wookie: ZING!
Binky: oh my god, flashback
Binky: wait, I need my bifocals to catch what you just said
Binky: That dress?  Seizure inducing
Binky: I feel a migraine coming on
Wookie: i ....i can't look away
Wookie: is it some sort of like...assault deterrent?
Wookie: like, you disarm attackers by confusing them?
Wookie: and then they have to lie down and listen to Archers of Loaf for two hours?
Binky: yes, you are stunned by the pattern and then she gets you with Celine Dion
Wookie: she's a national hero, thank you very much
Wookie: YOU WENT TOO FAR
Binky: You could wear that when we go to Vegas to hear her
Binky: And she would be mesmerized by you, and invite you up on stage for a duet
Binky: You could live your life's dream of meeting Celine with that dress
Wookie: man, if i met her?
Wookie: i really think we could be good friends
Wookie: she seems fun
Wookie: i can't even focus now
Wookie: i'm too hung up on celine dion
Binky: So much in common, right?
Wookie: well, i think we've done our job here
Wookie: i mean, when you think about it, most of the readership is queers, right?
Wookie: so they're already ahead of the curve on this shit

How To Frighten Small Children

So, my father (who I love!) sent me this for the new apartment.  My question to you is, should I actually put it up?  Remember, when people come over I’m trying to impress upon them that I’m not a serial killer.

Jokes from my Dad

A legal question: 

Is this statutory rape???   



Or is It just a moosedemeanor…..